Tag Archive - Remarriage Primer

ReMarriage Primer: Lesson Two

March 14, 2009 in Real Life Tales of Step family life with 1 Comment

Les &Sweetie’s Tales from the Trenches
Boot Camp for a HEALTHY Remarriage :

LESSON NUMBER TWO:

Couples should consistently and often be required to actually take time out as a couple, flying solo without children/stepchildren, even if it means locking themselves in the bathroom and turning on the shower while they kiss (each other) for 2 minutes in isolation..or parking at Sonic and sharing a cherry coke at the 1/2 price hours if that’s what money allows…whatever it takes to step outside the target zone of stepmom and stepdad, and who is upset about what this week…as often as needed to remember WHY you got into this sometimes messy marriage and life! Hint: if the day has been really stressful, use movie to keep yourselves from continuing to talk about the problems and simply enjoy snuggling while watching a good movie. (hold spouse’s hand and sneak a kiss regularly)


date-noun; time away intended to allow recoupling, stress relief, fun, and closeness of two people otherwise identified elsewhere as the stepmonsters, wicked stepmother or her husband…often the targets of minor children who do not find unity except in their alliance in joining together to take down the step and blended parents.(lol) Date night is not dependent upon possession of large amounts of time, money, nor equipment. Best planned regularly and often to overcome the stresses of daily life, work, homekeeping, and budgetary issues.

Warning: excessive postphonement of your marriage’s need to have laughter and romance can lead to frustration, resentment, and emotional isolation…..and in extreme cases, seperation and divorce. Date nights/days/afternoons can simply be escapes arranged by secret postit notes detailing plans for a 5 minute meetup away from tormenting children, testosterone poisoned teenage boys, or tweens whose hormones have declared a civil war within her….If desperate for time, smooching in the car after dropping children at soccer, warning: steaming car windows will arouse the suspicions of your church league friends…and keep the rumor mills running. We’re firm supporters of your local economy….keep the romance alive at home.

Rx for difficult days. Take time out together daily for quiet moments shared in embraces, silence, and with a healthy dose of closeness. Increase dosage as necessary to overcome the complexities of stepfamily life.

Rx for stressful stepfamily weeks…set aside at least one hour away from the children, ground rules are no child talk or heated discussions about children…simply an hour adoring the one you married (even if you wanted to pull his head off when you left for the date) Dates planned should not be canceled due to strife….satan works triply hard to make sure you get no stress relief….by all means, go out on the date….kill him with kindness if it takes faking it till you make it…but she who comes home happier wins!

Join us next Saturday night for Lesson Three of the Remarriage Primer!

God is good!

Sweetoe

ReMarriage Primer: Lesson One

March 8, 2009 in God with 0 Comments

The world of remarriage is very much is like entering an alternate world that most of us have no preparation for succeeding in…..if you enter a remarriage with children, about the time you say finish saying “I do” you may feel as though you’ve found and entered Alice in Wonderland’s Rabbit Hole and wish you’d said “I don’t”….but we’re here now and let’s decide right now that we’re going to defeat the evil Queen of despair and make something new happen!
….perhaps you are now on a remarriage cruise that seems very different than the happily ever after honeymoon and fairy tale you signed up for. After all, they sent you the ticket that said “You WIN!” and you have had a really exciting time finding your new love. Wasn’t the hardest part finding someone to share this life with? …No?????… You’ve gotten the license, found a minister or justice of the peace, and done the deed…now you’re all set for the happily ever after part right? Here you are all dressed up for the Honeymoon Cruise and you’ve successfully climbed up the big remarriage boat’s gangplank… The first reality of your trip is that the cruise liner you thought you booked passage on, takes on water that need to be bucketed out first….buckets of your pasts….buckets of past failures…buckets of conflict…buckets of new issues …buckets of conflicts that you are two different people making one life together….. All these you need to resolve but yout you couldn’t see them with your rose colored glasses on. Darn, you knew you should not have only packed “dry clean only” outfits! This cruise is going to take rolling up your sleeves to remove some buckets of the past before the remarriage you have dreamed of can sail!

Fact: God is God, Almighty, Savior, Redeemer, Restorer, Jehovah, the Healer, the Comforter, the King of Kings. etc.

More often than not your heart has been broken, you have fallen into the Satan’s hall of fame for shame, pain, or belief that you are unlovable, unforgivable. Before you could have imagined that you can trade in your last marriage experience for happily ever after. Instead you are taking into the new marriage who you were in the past marriage or you’re marrying someone who is…. You’ve got some heart work to do, and the only heart mender who is all knowing, all powerful, and all merciful….is God.

Rule One: God loves you. No matter what you have done, what you feel or don’t feel…that fact never changes. He is willing to meet you and your spouse where you are, together or alone. His omniscience is free for the asking, available, and you were created for a relationship dependent upon Him…..He has a manual for your life, the Bible, a personal concierge service for your heart and life’s paths, and most importantly a fee for His services that guarantees He will not overburden you as his child, He loves you!….. You simply have to believe in Him, believe that His son Jesus, died on the cross to take away the punishment price of your shame, guilt, and mistakes, so that Jesus could send the Holy Spirit within your heart to lead you , guide you, and comfort you to know what to do each moment in your daily walk….. God promises to never allow you to be tempted to do wrong more than He will give you grace to overcome…and forgiveness and wisdom for the repairing of your life when you mess up if you simply take your problems to Him, confess them, and obey His word. For most of us, simply choosing to believe and obey God will love us, despite us, our past, and our present…is the hardest part!

One of the first things you may be interested in knowing as you enter the rabbit hole of Step Family and Blended family remarriage is that there is no “one” way to do it. In fact, your remarriage’s survival is dependent upon the very fact that to allow God to heal the wounds that are within you, your spouse, and your children and extended family, there’s going to have to be room in your marriage for a whole lotta God’s love, His grace, and forgiveness working through your lives….and many creative ways to build new inroads of trust and love to your family member’s hurt hearts. You will learn to create boundaries in your life that work for you and your family…. Meanwhile you will learn to face sometimes impossible situations and solve them in love so you can create together, a peaceful place called home.
God is God….allow Him to be your God and the God of your remarriage!