I went to the Driver Vehicle registration center at 3:30 p.m. today and at 3:38 I was through registering the Honda and out the door.
I. am. impressed!

Then we went to our credit union to have something notarized and low and behold that took 3 minutes too, no lines….
again I.was.impressed.

Then I went to McDonald’s to celebrate with Son1 and Dh……for a 99 cent ice cream…..it took 22 minutes in the car line.
I should have stopped while I was ahead.

God is good, all the time.

This week has been a wild reality of where my life is now. I think perhaps I should have been a juggler…oh wait, that’s the definition of what I am these days professionally and personally. As I’ve come home to homeschool, there is still a need for my income, and truthfully for my enjoyment of intellectual challenge. So the morning goes like this: 5 a.m. wakeup and get husband off to work, sit down for Bible time at 5:30, at 6 begin writing web content for a website client for a friend’s company as a ghostwriter. At 7:00 an attorney calls from another website project for an indepth interview of himself for his biography. At 8 a.m. I am sorting smelly boy clothes while trying to remember at 8:10 when the phone rings I am morphing into the writer again in 3 minutes. 8:13 take 2nd interview call and get 8 pages of notes on website needs. 9:00 Check email and twitter, load dishwasher on a 10 minute break, go spray down the hot dogs outside, visit with neighbor child over the fence and pick a few roses for my desk. 9:10 write for an hour straight on an earlier site and move laundry twice from rooms to laundry room. 10:15 next break, in which I discover dishwasher wasn’t started and that lunch needs to thaw. At 11:00 a deadline comes for which I am prepared and thrilled that payment is enroute today from earlier work. at 11:10 I fight small black and white dog for my underwear to return to laundry room. 11:15-12 work on beginning website of my own that supports and automates alot of the writing proposals and identifies me in a more professional way to those I already work with……while communicating with the website owner and friend….. 12:34 Twitter and realize lunch is late late late and my stomach is more important than my final revision for this portion. Knowing that at 3:30 I trade in hats for taxi mom for son1 and wife1 (and only) for husband who needs licensing done for new car.
Of course, I can do all the crazy things that don’t involve homeschooling because we’re on a 6 week recess and my chidren are somewhere else for the moment (well, two of them) The real exciting part is going to be relegating this back to :12:30-3 on normal school days and after &before hours of motherhood when they are sleeping.
God is good. I love that I can do this from home, I love that I get to choose projects that work for me, and best of all, that its causing me to grow in my writing skills as well as my enjoyment of writing production!
Meanwhile the laundry buzzer calls me away…

Be Blessed

There is something about giving up fear, truly choosing to believe God that allows for alot of synergistic things to begin happening. Its exciting stuff.
Needless to say, the homekeeping did NOT get accomplished yesterday, though dinner and a few projects did. I was at the dealership the better part of the day trying to decide which car we would downsize the van for. Miraculously, the dealership had been asked to do the impossible (in our mind) deal on Friday….and then we wanted to find a car that was all that without the price. The salesman, Cory (@Hondaworld of Decatur) said “Give me until Monday….let me think on it” and low and behold, by Monday he called, he could beat the original offer, and had found the exact car I had requested at a price that made the trade worthwhile. God is good like that…..by the way, in our first conversation, Cory shared that with God nothing is impossible.
I did indeed drive that sweet green MINI yesterday, talk about fun in the sun, but I just couldn’t justify amputating my son’s long legs to have his mother enjoy herself…I think you lose the good mother points for that…..though we shortly considered leg binding as a bow to Chinese culture….and a pull behind trailer for him just isn’t cute. Another day….I assure you….Another day.
Last night I discovered a long unknown secret. My laundry baskets are often upturned and sorted through and the sorted clothes are left stuffed near them, but not in them. I have carefully become Inspector Clueso for many months…..but last night the culprit was discovered in person shortly after the latest crime. (of course it helped that all the children were gone leaving only one sheepishly guilty party….who shall remain nameless but is pictures on this page near a refinishing project) And the statement made by the perpetrator? “I didn’t KNOW it was already sorted, I was just going to fetch out a few things…” I pointed out that that was fine, but what about the rest of it left on the floor…..to which the man had the nerve to say…..”Come here my darling, let me appreciate you” and refuse to answer the question.
They took custody of my van yesterday (like it was a Maserati or some other sought after desireable car) , I am without a car until this afternoon when they deliver it to me….so perhaps that alone will motivate me to get the chores done! Solitary confinement with hard labor so ordered ….the gavel falls and the sentence is set.

Have a GREAT day!

The morning is so pretty today, rain on the flowers that are blooming outside my window. I am determined to run my Monday schedule of cleaning (my specific day for cleanup) I might even tackle Daughter’s room. We thought we’d switch the rooms sometime this summer, paint the boys room and then exchange them to give Son2 a built in wall desk. Meanwhile the small office off the kitchen is about to turn into a dedicated craft/sewing room. Its tiny at 6 x 9 but it has a wonderful long window and a wall appropriate for a counter the length of it, so Dh is going to do that for me.
The goals for today involve 5 loads of laundry washed and put away, the entire wooden floored home swept and mopped, two bathrooms wiped down, and the linens on my bed washed and reput on the bed. During the Godathon yesterday I had baked 6 chicken breasts and one roast, so meats for meals are handled already for this week.
M: Fajitas, guacamole, chips sausa, salad
T: Roast beef, potatoes, carrots
W: Chicken over fettucine alfredo, salad
Th: Pulled Roast bbq sandwiches, pickles, chips, potato salad
F: Baked chicken in sauce, baked potatoes, green beans, fresh fruit

I have to say I am so very thankful for the chicken on sale this weekend, I spent $20 on chicken and $7 for the roast and $1.99 for milk on sale, $6 on farmer’s market vegetables and everything else I already have on hand.
Remember the no sugar, less artificial sugars? Well its working! I think the main issue is I really almost eliminated the artificial sugars in drinking form. I have lost 8 lbs so far in approximatey two weeks. I do something I did a few years ago. I allow NO sugar at all until after 2 pm. That gives my body a chance to metabolize on its own from the protein rich diet I eat, then if I have to have a coke out somewhere due to necessity of availability, it is a coke, not a diet….and the smallest size possible. Somehow the artificial sweetners keep me hungry, but it also keeps me not burning. My body is losing its puffy look and I have already dropped one size in my closet, so alot more clothes are available to me that weren’t comfortable two weeks ago.
I also still do one cup of coffee mid morning if I am needing it to keep going energy level wise, if not I am trying not to. (no guilt involved) . I’ve only walked 4x but realized that this is something I want to do every day….its so pretty in our area.
I have to tell you at the end of the day I was so thrilled with what God had taught me. I so wanted to explain it to Dh when he came home from work, and we talked and talked…..he was excited too. …Then he shared what God had been saying to him all the way home on his drive…..God is good! We turned on one final sermon as we went to bed and low and behold it specifically dealt with the whys of something we are struggling to overcome in a new light. It had to do with the definition of loving those who hurt you. Exciting stuff.

Life without fear…….this is going to come in real handy today when I look under daughter’s bed and in her closet.

It was my constant….the one thing I could count on…..that there would be things/people/situations that I could not prevent, control or fix….and those very things would cause me harm and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I’ve been in church all of my life. I took courses in Bible in both my graduate and undergraduate programs. I’ve been a lifelong Bible reader, church attender, prayer Spirit filled Christian…Sunday school teacher, Bible study leader ……..none of that mattered, no one, nothing, could convince me I didn’t have to continue to deal with fear…..my disobedience, my failure to believe, to trust that I was not responsible for everything that might happen…… that I was bigger than God’s plan for me…..terrific disobedience and pride it seems now that I have been shown a different perspective from God.
You and I know that the devil is the father of all lies. We also know from studying that the devil’s pride caused his fall….we know that he did indeed fall…that he has been conquered at the cross…that pain, sin, apartness from God was conquered in the Son who came to us from above and became our personal Savior, taking our sins on the cross and overcoming death and sickness by his shed blood….overcoming our failures by forgiving us of them, taking away the old laws of sacrifices being required to atone for our sins…becoming our sacrifice to prove and perfect his love for us….so we might be perfected in Him….perfected through Him in us.
Today God hammered and hammered and hammered me with His word in so many forms, I have sought Him so deeply the last few weeks on this topic, but I kept hitting walls…..when I finally comprehended the lessons at hand….well, let’s just say it takes a 2 x 4…..in this case its taken three solid years of the same messages to get past the mis learned wrongness. When my Dh came home today I could not WAIT to tell him all that God had revealed to me concerning my life…..and God had been speaking to Him today in the same way….Praise God!
You see I believed, as I was raised, that we are to do all that we can on our own….then take to God what we cannot accomplish on our own…..I held myself accountable each time I could not do enough on my own, knowing that so very often I failed at whatever as at hand……not trying hard enough, not being enough, not reaching deep enough…..but God today once and for all said “NO!”
He said clearly to me that it was my very brokenness that allows Him to use me. He said very clearly to me that it is His divine plan for His ministry in me is to be fulfilled through the healing of the scars I bear and have borne….He showed me once and for all that there is NOTHING to fear, but if I have to focus on something its that I am stagnant in my growing and confessing and believing in Him if I am not communing with Him constantly, no matter how small….that all the fights and struggles we perceive as “the battle at hand” has NOTHING to do with anything that can harm me or mine…..because as long as I am in fellowship with HIM there is NOTHING to fear, THIS IS NOT ABOUT EARNING HIS LOVE, HIS FORGIVENESS, OR HIS APPROVAL…that angels are protecting my family, that He has never once forsaken me, nor them, that His mercy will never never ever leave me….no matter how many or what kind of mistakes I make.
You know that moment….duh, I could have had a V8?……well those were the scenes He showed me how my life would be the moment I decided to let Him be God over fear too and resign for the position of God in my own life…..
Y’all, I have more peace tonight than I have ever known……and its exciting! The fear is gone!!!

Praise God, He IS good.

Church attendance was hard today. I went outside, ready to go, and my van tire, yes the new tire, was flat on the ground. I REALLY wanted to go to church. Son1 was going to work barely having time to go, and Dh is at work today 45 miles away. Son1 immediately brought around our compressor, between us we got it aired up and I took the chance of going directly on to church, for if I had to change it later at least I’d get church in.
After church I was fully aware that I had 2 choices. I’d either go out and find it flat or I’d limp it to walmart after church. I came out of church to find a note on my van. Our Sunday school teacher said “I noticed you have a nail in your left front tire, it is going flat, If it is flat when you get here, call me or xlxo and we will help you, the nail is now painted orange so they can find it easily” Wahoo! The tire was leaking big time, but I could get it the 6 blocks away and when I got there I was first in line on a SUNDAY!
God is good.

The time in church was so ordained….the sermon about the very things I am facing….why did those other folks even bother, lol….surely they knew it was for me. Even the hymns were my very favorite, the words having even deeper meaning today.

I came home after paying my $9 to get the tire fixed, the repairman said it was in the center of the tread, which was the ONLY place he could repair a tire, the edges they no longer allow. Thankful again I arrived home to an immediate sermon in place that took up where Beth Moore left off when I turned off the van. Wahoo….God is apparently intent on me “getting” this message and I am trying to be all ears and have my heart open to hear it. A minister from t.v. again said more destinctly words into my life and situation that affirmed what the Sunday school time, Sermon time, Beth Moore study time and my own studying time has been trying to say to me. Praise God.
I finished those programs and low and behold Jentezen Franklin again preached a promise filled sermon answering the concerns I have regarding our children. Once again an affirming reminder of God’s promises for our family.

God is good, all the time.

We spent the better part of last evening preparing to downsize an already old vehicle I drive. Before its over we will probably temporarily go to one vehicle and then downsize the second one. You have to understand we didn’t start out with stellar vehicles to begin with. This is okay.
However, I can tell you cruelty is involved. We are not ones to go into debt, we’ve been there and still paying for choices made a long time ago. ….and since we’re a blended family…we are still paying for other’s choices too! (never think just because a court orders it, it will be done where their debt assignments are ordered to your ex, if they don’t pay YOU do)
When we bought the new to us van I flat cried. It was a sound decision, needed, and well priced under its value….I am simply a car snob. I have spent 38 of my 43 years saying “at least its not a minivan” and my close friends knew in the young years I would have 2 carseats and 2 elementary children in my old Honda civic…that’s 5 total of us for those of you who count seat belts before I would even THINK about a bigger car…and commuted that way for 3 years. I would have a 10 year old Volvo before a new Chevrolet. I would prefer something cute or something classic….not anything practical much in between.
When I learned to drive it was on a Porsche 914 in a pecan treed lot next to our home. Not because we were indulged, but because someone used it as part of the house downpayment when we moved….at a time when my father had a son who wanted one….I think B2 spent as much repairing it as he did eating at college…and probably was leaner for the car’s needs many days. From the 914 I had a Subaru brat complete with 2 seats in back, then a red cavalier convertible….then a Honda. base model civic…none of them luxuorious or even close to top of the line, but prep acceptable cars for the newly genteel impoverished. Luxury cars in my personal book. A couple of Mary Kay cars also came into play, they were red and lots of fun. Then it happened. Dh and I married. The choices were to leave someone at home or to get a bigger car. Hmmm. We went and test drove a mini van…..I dutifully tried…but I . could. not. make.myself do it. We, just in the miraculous nick of time, found a taurus stationwagon, which for reasons unknown was NOT a mini van in my mind’s eye. It drove well, it didn’t feel like a square box which I could grow to be a 300 lb blob in and it definately was more me than the van. (now I have a VERY chic friend who drives one in NW Arkansas, I however, knew I’d grow to match the van’s size…..but She….she’d be sexy in a box)
When my mother died, my father sold my husband her Lincoln towncar….a car which I disliked despite it being worth more than most cars I had paid for…..it also carried the “I saw my mom get sicker” memories in it from chemo, three years of struggle, and the flashbacks wouldn’t work for me. He was going to drive it, so it wasn’t an issue, that lasted one week. This is when someone somewhere started laughing…….the day it sold we were so excited, it was a gas hog and we had someone who wanted it badly….for money that would pay us back what we spent….and they had a brother with a car lot of CUTE cars….hondas, vw’s…all the fun ones…..but then the bil said it….”Look, there’s a DEALER CONVENIENCE van with a perfect record….man you should get that!” Sure….it was white, sure it was in perfect mechanical condition and had every trap and gadget on it, sure it was a Toyota, sure……uh hmmm” Screaming in my mind “BUT ITS A VAN”
We drove home in it, I seriously wept quietly and knew that I had just at 41 “grown up”. I set aside my absolutely perceived as last stand of whimsy that mattered as me and did what was best for them…..now isn’t that silly to cry over a perfectly nice and safe vehicle that was paid for with cash? Yep, that’s me, the selfish one.
Last night we go to downsize again back to a smaller vehicle, one that will allow us better gas mileage….and of course…there are a hundred worthwhile used choices all over the county….and the thing that I would prefer more than anything (which is simply NOT right for us as a family) is a Cooper Mini. In my dreams its green witha moonroof and a stick shift. I love driving. I really enjoy being out driving…its one of my passions. I have had this passion for the Cooper for 6 years now, the 2002 is my favorite and racing green is my color…..I dream in Cooper….its always in my dreams as well as my delight when I see them. …..my children will tell you I giggle EVERY time.
So we go to price negotiate the car we’ve found….and what does the owner have next to it???? A 2002 Mini Cooper, green with moonroof and stick shift……that is FOR SALE.
Temptation girls, the devil is real…..(and apparently he’s taken residence at next to the realistic fuddy duddy car we may buy in the next few days. of course I’m holding out that God is working a miracle.

Let me tell you a bit about how God is God. Almost my entire life I have seen myself as not being enough….despite teachings, preachings and very good examples of others not fighting that God the Father would be there for them….truth was…in my life my father’s approval was very based on my performance. The translation for me to understand I could in my own flesh never be acceptable to God…that was the grace of His love for me….that His love covers my inability to be “loveable” that He loved me first…..well, that translation was/is/has been VERY hard for me.
I am a pleaser by nature. I would rather sit down with someone whacking me, bake them a cake and try to convince them its really not necessary to hit me than to fight back….and yes I would take the time to find out what exact cake they’d like. That’s me. Its been a lifelong way of living.
This week, in some really needy times God outdid Himself to show He knew, He cared and He was already on it. Of course, He had been there all along. He had known what I was facing many many times before I was even born much less this week.
An example: I had a disturbing phone call full of a “what ifs” person that lives in fear …much the fear that I am fighting when you discuss where my children live. Directly after that call I had some significant decisions to make….ones that fear should not be the core of the decision made. I was alone, Dh was not able to be with me, and there wasn’t time for a phone call while trying to drive in traffic….I don’t even use the electronic music in my van for its waaay too many buttons when I drive, the kids put it on what we listen to…..but just as my mind was trying to run off the path of “its okay, everything will be fine” the CD began playing the 1st CD of a Beth Moore study, one where she talks specifically to those who are in a difficult place with decisions to make….followed by the first praise music she included in the lesson….a song that spoke peace to my heart.
We had another disappointment in a small business matter a few weeks ago, but this week it is CRYSTAL clear why things went that way and it most certainly for a good purpose that serves us extremely well today. Thank you God for saying “no” to earlier prayers.
I can see how God is using several situations we are facing to allow us to grow paste the struggles we have had. In a week’s time, much dross in our marriage and relationships have become refined, and I am so in love with my husband for the man he is. I am so aware that our family is strong and while things are not always easy, we will always take whatever comes together.
God has put people in my path. Today at the grocery store, where I was going to get 99 cent chicken breasts for the pantry, a complete stranger stopped me with absolutely NO provocation from me….asked me if I was a Christian, and proceeded to share with me about her school aged son, I shared with her about our church, she then shared with me a beautiful testimony of trusting God and changing her life from one of fear alone with her son, to one of peace and how satan had tried and tried to convince her living in fear, allowing him to keep her there was keeping the peace….until God taught her what true peace was when she trusted Him to end the intimidation. (somehow I feel sure she knows where i’ve been when God has told me to speak a word to someone I didn’t know….but she obeyed, and I knew it affirmed my own prayers)
Today I was so disappointed not to realize an invitation from Mrs Goofy….to miss fellowship with their group….but it is now obvious that God handled fellowship with another in a different matter…..first a neighbor I hadn’t met came to my door to see if D2 was okay….she had missed seeing her…..then the lady at the store ….then I came home to a good conversation with my friend in another state…..and time with our older son alone. God is God….He had a plan.
This afternoon I know God is in the house and miracles are for today indeed….:) ….because…..wait….for…..it…..I had the DESIRE to clean house….Me…..want to clean…..who knew????
God is God and He is so incredibly aware of my needs and my desire to be near Him, even when I am too immature to run into His arms.

The sun is shining intensely today, the flowers are so vibrant outside my window. Today is the first day I haven’t had a hundred things to get done all week…and the first day I have been at home alone in quite a few weeks. My dh has taken on a second job to help with what we are facing, I am doing a few more jobs as well, and we’re both exhausted. I am so thankful that when our marriage faces strife, it solidifies us, not seperates us. My husband has been an amazing support in the last six years and continues to amaze me. We are still learning, still growing and yet when the count is down, he is always there.
Someone asked me (who didn’t know what is going on with the children currently) how do you continue to work with someone on relationships when you couldn’t stay married to them, or vice versa? It is not easy. But in the best of situations and intents, you keep your mind focused that your children’s other parent is indeed their other parent. They miss them just like you do. They want for them the best, just like you do….they are people, just like you are. Even in this moment, where I feel like alot of us aren’t playing by the rules….I consistently try to see all sides of this disagreement…..then set aside my heart’s wants and make sure the children’s goals for a healthy, safe, and secure life are being considered first.
That said. Sometimes truth is hard….whether it is that you don’t want to point out someone else’s weaknesses, or admit your own….In traditional families, when your teenager wants to rebel, they have two choices, the bedroom or the living room to escape to. In stepfamilies they have several trump cards…..there’s always the implication that they can go to the other parent. There are multiple grandparent opinions to try for sympathy for, etc. That is why judges and parents make decisions, for a child, even a teenager, can often not choose for themselves what is best.
Stepfamilies are indeed unique in many of their issues. This week I was once again affirmed in our decision to always try very hard to be flexible with their other family. I have to share that at one point I was told “How is being the flexible parent who often gives in when other’s don’t working for you?” It was a tough question to answer honestly, because it is the pits alot of the time….and I did answer honestly….but my personal thoughts has always been its better to work hard on tolerating and get along on the smaller things than to be in strife alot. I have to be honest though, this week I realized the line in the sand had been crossed.
God is good, we continue to pray that a peaceful resolution is agreed upon. We continue to take one breath at a time and to focus on peace and thankfulness, and to not entertain the fears that come our way.
Its been a good morning, I really need to get some laundry done.